Six More Caravans Heading to Southern Border


I guess it might not have been the best time ever to stop building that big beautiful wall.  According to spotters working with satellite technology with the United States border patrol, six, yes six more heavily-modified vehicles have been identified as heading for America’s southernmost border at varying rates of speed.

Currently in the lead position is Caravan one, identified by border intelligence officials as one “Mean Machine”, known to be driven by felon and all around heel Dick Dastardly, accompanied by his dog Muttley.  The rocket powered vehicle is a tough beast to beat, will Dastardly’s sinister penchant for doomtraps keep him in the front?

He also tends to pull over just to twirl his moustache and deliver a soliloquy. Muttley, tragically, suffers from asthma.

Bringing up a close second are Rock and Gravel in thier one and only Bouldermobile.  Known as the Slag Brothers, these two pedal-powered primitives are really banging those caveman clubs to catch up. We all know they finished first lady month on the Sandy Batt course in Canada, so it could be a nail biter.

In third caravan is everyone’s favorite Southern belle, Penelope Pitstop in her sexily-named Compact Pussycat, really holding her own against the men in this race for sweet sweet American tax dollars.  You go, girl!  Sisters are doing it for themselves!

Finally, running the last three caravans are monster drivers Bela and and Tiny, the Gruesome Twosome, the Hitler-accented Red Max in his Crimson Haybaler, representing the Trump supporters in the audience with a hearty “sieg heil!”, and Lazy Luke, a hillbilly, with his cowardly cohort Blubbery Bear.

They’re really getting desperate now. Someone must have told them about about Quicksilver in WandaVision. Spoiler alert.

All of the caravans seem to have had various “wacky” interactions with each other, including rubber-cement filled puddle traps, giant cliff walls painted to appear as further extensions of the road, and thrown projectiles full of TNT shaped like bunnies.

Eventually, all six of the high-powered caravans will cross the finish line into our pristine nation.  And what then, Joe Biden?  A waved flag and a kiss from Kamala?

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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