After Rally, Virginia Governor Doubles Down, Bans All Open-Carry


When Virginians elected Democrat Ralph Northam as their Governor in 2018, they probably didn’t think it would lead to an epic gun-grab on such a massive scale.  Now, one day after thousands of armed micropenised protesters gathered to show their opposition to having to be able to only purchase one weapon per month, Northam has upped his game.  Feeling that the excitement is finished, he’s amended his bill to include a complete ban on open-carry privileges.

Pictured : A pair of protesters discuss the fine points of masturbating with hot dog buns.

Conservatives in the Virginia legislature have expressed extreme objections to the change, with one, Representitive Harry Nutznmouth, losing control of his bowels during a Town Hall meeting this morning.  Virginia is suffering the consequences of it’s blue shift, which began with the state going to President Barack Obama twice, and continuing along a Democratic slide as residents in the northernmost areas become better educated and have cancelled cable subscriptions in order to trade Fox News garbage for “The Mandalorian” on the Disney Plus network.  This is the way, Virginia.

Gun rights advocate Justin Herass spoke to the Virginia Daily Queeferino about his concerns:

“First, I can only buy one gun a month…which is a violation of the second amendment.  What am I supposed to do?  I buy one, and I play with it for about a week, and then I’m already bored with it.  Now I have to wait out the rest of the month?  And then he’s going to tell me I can’t wear it on my hip where it can lovingly bump against my balls while I pace in front of the gun shop for days and days waiting and waiting?  It’s like that ‘Gift of the Magi’ story, where one thing leads to a worse thing that leads to a worse thing.  Okay, well maybe not exactly like that story.  I guess it’s more like every episode of ‘Nash Bridges’ in that way.  But you get the gist.  Shall not be infringed!”

Inside sources at the Governor’s mansion have aslo leaked that Northam has also been considering banning the placement of pornography theaters within a mile of gun retailers in order to urge gun rights advocates to commit suicide.  This report however, has not been verified.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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