Nine Veteran’s Groups Endorse Biden After Trump’s Insults


In the 21st century, news travels fast, and bad news travels faster, thanks to the dominance of the internet and social media.  So when the word that outlets had uncovered testimony that President Trump had disparaged war veterans by insulting them out of misplaced egotism and anger, the consequences came swiftly as well.

Worse than when he called Ben Carson “Doctor Dicklittle”? Yup.

In the setting of an election cycle, Trump’s polling amongst the military, both current and former, has plummeted more than twenty percent, as it should.  Generals once loyal to his command have offered their resignations.  And nine veteran groups crucial with their voting and influence have announced their endorsements of his opponent, Vice President Joe Biden.

One of those groups, Uncle Sam’s Monotonous Cockwombles, released a statement through spokesperson Sgt. Joe Barron at Fort Bragg yesterday.

“We, and our organizations, implore you to cast your vote for Joe Biden for President in this next election.  We ask that you respect the sacrifice and honor and the danger through which we, the members of the American military, live to protect and defend your rights and freedoms.  Donald Trump has shown conclusively his ignorance, incompetence, and disrespectful douchebaggery for the last time.  He had proven himself beyond unworthy for the position of commander in chief. Let’s give him the most dishonorable discharge that we can, America.”

“Mah stars, did someone say DISCHARGE?”

The release of these damning statements by the morbidly obese and mentally handicapped President were at first simply conjecture, but were quickly backed up by external sources, including the often phony and moronic Fox News.  In essence, this was a shitparade of Trump’s own making, and he’s unable to weasel out of it this time.

Will losing the votes of America’s protectors and defenders affect the election significantly? I think it’s safe to say, especially if you’re supporting the Biden side and not retarded, that that’s an affirmative, sir.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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