Twitter Suspends Trump For Two Weeks

UNBELIEVABLE!

If you’re a God-fearing flag waving American and a conservative Republican these days, you know the perils of speaking your mind on social media.  Facebook has thousands of employees with their liberal fingers on the button, just itching to shut down your first amendment rights over anything they might disagree with.  This week, it’s evidently Twitter’s turn to cry about the *President speaking his mind with liberty.

Head of Twitter’s Department of Censorship Joe Barron says that Trump brought his fourteen day ban on himself.

“Frankly, this should have been done a long time ago.  Twitter has clearly stated ‘Terms of Service’, and violating them results in a series of warning suspensions before the user is shut down permanently.  Mr. Trump has done nothing but harass, disseminate false information, and endanger lives through the proliferation of deadly medical advice and conspiracy theories.  He has far too many followers with far too few IQ points for us to allow him to continue.  It has nothing to do with the First Amendment.  We are a company.  You want to use our software for free?  Our rules.”

“Busted byotch!”

The timeout has sent shockwaves through the White House, and insider reports are running wild with tales of the *President smashing walls and equipment and throwing douchebag tantrums like the fat little pussy flap he’s known to be.  Rumors are spreading that Facebook is likewise seeking to reign in Trump’s cavalcade of nonsense and hate speech, forcing administration officials to seek alternate outlets, including MySpace and simply presenting the morbidly obese jackass with day-glo crayons and construction paper.

Whatever becomes of this controversial action, it’s certain that the commander in chief will have some harsh words for Twitter’s CEO once he’s allowed to state them.  But he better be careful.  Second warning’s a whole month.

*Impeached

About Fallis Gunnington 125 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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