Twitter Offers $400 Million To Settle Trump’s Lawsuit

Twitter has offered President Trump $400 Million to settle his lawsuit against them. According to a source close to the social media giant, they’re just not willing to risk the kind of fight Trump would bring.

That means it won’t be long, Patriots, before Trump is back on the Tweets!

Furries hugging are far more satisfying than taters tating.

Art Tubolls, spokesman for the Twitter, told us that in essence, resistance is futile:

“So we could fight the imbecile and win, and it would cost far less. But then we have to provide security for all of our employees forever, because the cult will start doxxing them and showing up at their homes with loaded weapons they swear aren’t ‘assault’ rifles.

“They’re lunatics. It’s well worth it to just pay the grifter so he keeps his evil hogs at bay.”

Trump’s legal team, a guy named Lou and his cousin Mick, said the strategy wasn’t easy to come up with:

“We had to think pretty long and hard about how to….

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t do that with a straight face. Of course we threatened them with the cult. It’s currently the 2nd largest army in the world. There’s something to be said for calling a bunch of gung-ho Boomers an army, but there are certainly enough to cause a ruckus.”

We ended the interview there, patriots. It seems they think Trump supporters are morons, and we didn’t have any real data to make a case against it. But we did thank them for serving the President, and as always…

God bless America.

 

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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