CNN Hires Michael Cohen to Host Trump Program From Prison

THAT JUST FIGURES!

In a move that many industry insiders are calling “bold”, the C.N.N. news network has hired former Trump attorney turned whistleblower Michael Cohen to host a new program, “Trumpwatch” while he is incarcerated.  Cohen will present himself for imprisonment at New York’s FCI-Otisville Medium security detention facility in early April to serve a three year term.  Otisville is unrelated to the much harsher facility in Otisburg.  Otisburg?

“It’s just a small little place, Mistuh Luthah!”

“Trumpwatch” is scheduled to be an hour-long weekly look at the President’s activities with commentary, fact-checking, and debate.  Segments include : “Dementia Tweet of the Week”, “NOW What Did Melania Do?”, “Douche On The Move”, and “What Would That Have Looked Like With a Real President?”  Guest speakers and debaters will include regular members of CNN’s staff as well as Trump impressionist Alec Baldwin.

Don Lemon will also appear to fight off attacking gangs while the show airs.

The network is already constructing special broadcast facilities in the prison’s D-block, which was formerly being used to house John Gotti, Bill Cosby, and musical criminal Phil Collins.  Inmates have been moved to an area known as “The Bukake Wing” due to its location underneath the leaking toilet facilities of cellblock 3.  The program will begin airing in March, on Sundays at noon.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.