Trump’s Reinstatement Delayed Until August 23rd

Big news today from inside the ranks of those who are in the know: Trump’s reinstatement, originally set for August 13th, has been rescheduled for the 23rd.

The change comes as officials inside the Department of Derpfense found themselves unprepared to perform their duties by the 13th. Special Agent in Charge of Naval Intellectuals and Security, Major Art Tubolls, says it just wasn’t going to happen:

“We were made aware just yesterday that this division would be responsible for the removal of Biden and his cabinet that day, and we already had tickets to Sea World.

“It’s not a big deal, other than reaching JFK Jr, who remains dead until we conjure him, and apparently that can’t happen either until August 21st for some reason.

“Basically, we were flying blind but now we have it under control.”

There you have it, Patriots. If you were planning to go to DC to witness the reinstatement, it would be best to re-book your stay. Trump International has plenty of space that week, and you get a 4 percent discount if you pay in cash.

It sounds like we’re headed down the road to greatness, patriots. Once Trump is in we can stop pretending we give a shit about things like democracy and equality. We just want our cult leader in the seat of power, regardless of what an imbecile he may be.

Just like the founding fathers intended, patriots.

God bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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