Trump Replaces Acting ICE Director

That’s One Busy Guy!

The resignation of Ron Vitiello, the Director of ICE, came as a shock to government,  even at the highest levels.  He had been handpicked by President Trump himself, was remarkably qualified, and appeared to be excelling in every aspect of his role.

But all was not as rosy as it seemed. Director Vitiello did not see eye to eye with President Trump on several issues. He showed signs of having a conscience and some morality. It seems he disagreed that brown people are all animals and that their children belong in cages. He  claimed that he  “desperately wanted to obey the every whim of the president but also wished to gain entry to heaven.” This was a major sticking point to our elected leader.

Shortly after Vitiello resigned, Executive White House Human Resources Manager, Jason Daniel, made this announcement   :

”President Trump is extremely saddened by the departure of DHS Director Kirstjen Nielsen. Oops! I mean Secret Service Director Randolph Alles. Is that right? No? Well who the f**k is it this time?  Is there even anyone left ?  This is ridiculous. This is stupid. OK. Gimme a name. Viti-what? Ok. Got it

Anyway, Viti was a dedicated and selfless public servant. His  departure has hit President Trump very hard.

However, there is some outstanding news that has come out of this. A silver lining. The sudden opening allowed the President to bring into the government fold a being with incredible skills who has precisely the same vision for America and the world as the president himself.

The White House is pleased to announce the hiring of the new Director of The Secret Service ……..Satan Himself!”

The most recent picture of Mr Satan Himself on record. He was coy when he introduced himself to the crowd, saying,”Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name”

The hiring of Satan is quite a coup for the United States. He has long been sought after by villainous despots worldwide but had been on a self imposed hiatus since working in Germany in the early 1940’s. Trump somehow lured him out of retirement through his deal making skills.

America’s future has never been less bleak!

About Fired Writer 188 Articles
I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.