President Trump gave the American people a very stern warning about what to expect under a Biden presidency.
Speaking from behind the Resolute Desk, President Trump gave a somber depiction of how life will change for millions of his loyal followers.
The rain fell outside as our Commander in Chief delivered remarks about an America run by Joe Biden, and how it will affect the economy and illegal immigration.
Aides cried as they pictured a West Wing filled with Biden’s stutters and Nancy Pelosi’s insufferable drunkenness.
But it was the message, delivered by a hero from behind a mahogany chunk of history, speaking to his loyal followers, that won the day:
“We had a lot of good years. A lot of good years. And the people, the people have been great. The American people. The true American people. Not the Democrats or the liberals or the Bernie supporters or the Hillary lovers. Not the climate change activists or the scientists trying to keep our economy closed. Not the renewable energy crowd or vegetarians, and certainly not illegals or other people not quite as suited to the Trump way of life as others.
“The real Americans. You may ask, what wiull it be like for us when you’re gone? Well, patriots, first, I can tell you, your truck flags will be illegal, and so will your guns.
“You’ll be forced to have abortions if you have a kid already and half your income will go to giving liberal kids and minorities free stuff. You won’t get to choose what job you do, and your house will be given away and you’ll have to live in an apartment with a strange family and their cat, Billy.
“America as we know it, where you can be loud, and love who you are and support the police and God and do all the things we like to do like go boating and golf, will be gone. Fun will be volunteering at food banks and donating time to good causes. Your pay will be capped at $15 per hour, just like they always wanted.
“Joe Biden will make America respected again on the world stage and then watch out. All those countries I got to admit hating us will come back with their hands out.”
The Biden transition team sent a response to us via email that simply said “fuck that guy.”
Kamala Harris asked that someone please give him the finger.