Trump Defies Twitter, Sets Up Free Text Messages


It’s well known that as President, Donald Trump made frequent and sometimes hilarious use of the social media platform Twitter to get his messages out to his adoring public and to inform patriotic Americans of his thoughts and actions.  Some say this contributed to making the Trump administration the most open and transparent White House in history.

However, thanks to the advent of liberal “cancel culture” and a few million snowflakes who tire of misspelled lunacy, random insults to detractors, and the odd posting of dick pics, Twitter CEO Joe Barron shut down Trump’s account permanently, effectively denying the head of the GOP his first amendment rights.

He just yesterday sent out this photo of his son Barron after a satisfying “Kid Kegger” in Miami.

But Trump will be Trump, as they say, and the morbidly obese wordsmith cares too much about his legion of gullible dipshits to completely abandon them.  That’s why he’s set up “TrumpText”, a service that will allow the Donald to simply send text messages en masse to any supporter who signs up.

All that needs to be done to join this exclusive list is to text a code affirming that YOU stand with Donald J. Trump, “IDJT”, to phone number 855-236-3228.  From there, the texter will be sent every thought, pearl of wisdom, and possibly a few selfies with Russian prostitutes directly to their own personal cellular device.

Note : Due to the groundbreaking nature of this new technological arrangement, some percentage of calls or texts to the number may be accidentally diverted to the Ben Shapiro Radio show’s line.

It’s okay. I mean, it’s not like his wife needs him for anything.

Trump and his trusted aides have set up this service to hear and talk to YOU, the American citizen.  He’s also pretty lost without social media because he’s an attention whore on a forced diet, and the employees at Mar-a-lago are getting sick of him screaming nonsense out loud on golf courses to squirrels.

Don’t waste any time, Potatriots!  Sign up now!  He’s waiting for you!

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment