Stormy Sells Trump DNA to Chinese Clone Scientist


Pornography star and whiny money-grubbing liberal Stormy Daniels reportedly sold a “sample of President Trump’s DNA” to the infamous scientist in China who months ago was admonished for illegally cloning a pair of human twins.  I mean, at least according to my wife’s sister Andromeda (Her parents named her after the futuristic pop band in an episode of “Buck Rogers.”)  Andromeda is pretty on top of these things despite requiring a daily injection of lithium that could power the batteries of at least five Teslas.

My cousin Jasper Gunnington hooked one of these up to a turkey last thanksgiving. Pieces of that bastard still raining down today.

The scientist, who has one of those names that sounds like a box of wind chimes falling down a flight of stairs, claims that Miss Daniels sold him a small vial of our President’s tartar sauce of life for the sum of $35,000.  That’s probably a lot of money in China, since I know they sell all that plastic crap they make at the dollar store.

Now honestly, I don’t know if this is really a good thing, or a bad thing.  I know Jesus said in the good book that we ain’t supposed to go around cloning people because the Jews would just make more of themselves to come and kill him again, but there’s no doubt that America could use a couple few more President Trumps.   Imagine that!  We could run them one after another for years and years, until our great country is like a mighty Heaven on earth.  Huh.  It’s like one of those condom drum things.  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.  Like running over a squirrell and then not cooking it up.

What if we made us a white one? Man would that golf score skyrocket.

If this story is true, it certainly leaves us good Americans something to think about.  Could the perfection of our nation come from one of those people who sold us little furry monkeys that turned into Gremlins?  I guess only time and lithium will tell.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.