Trump Appoints New Secret Service Director

he only hires the best!

The firing of Randolph Alles, the Head of the Secret Service came as a shock to government,  even at the highest levels.  He had been handpicked by President Trump himself, was remarkably qualified, and appeared to be excelling in every aspect of his role.

But all was not as rosy as it seemed. Director Alles did not see eye to eye with President Trump on several issues. He cited lack of manpower and overtime costs in his opposition to the president’s desire. It seems he disagreed that agents should work for free to accommodate the first family. He  claimed that he  “desperately wanted to implement Trump’s plans but actually wished to retain staff.” This was a major sticking point to our elected leader.

Shortly after Alles was canned, Executive White House Human Resources Manager, Michael Thomas, made this announcement :

”President Trump is extremely saddened by the departure of DHS Director Kirstjen Nielsen. Oops! I mean Secret Service Director Randolph Alles. Is that right? They keep leaving. Like dozens now. It’s getting hard to keep track. These are the best people! Why aren’t they staying? I don’t get it.

Anyway, Alles or whoever  was a dedicated and selfless public servant. His  departure has hit President Trump very hard.

However, there is some outstanding news that has come out of this. A silver lining. The sudden opening allowed the President to bring into the government fold a being with incredible skills who has precisely the same vision for America and the world as the president himself.

The White House is pleased to announce the hiring of the new Director of The Secret Service ……..Satan Himself!”

The most recent picture of Mr Satan Himself on record. He was coy when he introduced himself to the crowd, saying,”Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name”

The hiring of Satan is quite a coup for the United States. He has long been sought after by villainous despots worldwide but had been on a self imposed hiatus since working in Germany in the early 1940’s. Trump somehow lured him out of retirement through his deal making skills.

America’s future has never been less bleak!

About Fired Writer 187 Articles
I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.