Trump Appoints New Homeland Director

The deal maker strikes again!

The resignation of Kirstjen Nielsen from the Department of Homeland Security came as a shock to government,  even at the highest levels.  She has been handpicked by President Trump himself, was remarkably qualified, and appeared to be excelling in every aspect of her new role.

But all was not as rosy as it seemed. Director Nielsen did not see eye to eye with President Trump on several issues. She cited illegality as opposition to several of our leader’s desires. It seems she did not feel the White House could legally get away with wholesale slaughter of brown people just because they are brown. She claimed that she “desperately wanted to implement Trump’s plans but would not risk prison herself to do so.” This was a major sticking point to our elected leader.

Shortly after Nielsen officially resigned, Executive White House Human Resources Manager, Jennifer Sanders, made this announcement :

”President Trump is extremely saddened by the departure of DHS Director Kurst Jen Nielsen. Ms Neilsen was a dedicated and selfless public servant. Her departure has hit him very hard.

However, there is some outstanding news that has come out of this. A silver lining. The sudden opening allowed the President to bring into the government fold a being with incredible skills who has precisely the same vision for America and the world as the president himself.

The White House is pleased to announce the hiring of the new Director of Homeland Security……..Satan Himself!”

The most recent picture of Mr Satan Himself on record. When asked why he does what he does, he replied,”What’s puzzling you is just the nature of my game”

The hiring of Satan is quite a coup for the United States. He has long been sought after by villainous despots worldwide but had been on a self imposed hiatus since working in Germany in the early 1940’s. Trump somehow lured him out of retirement through his deal making skills.

America’s future has never been less bleak!

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.