Four Injured When Liberal Trolls Attack Peaceful Trump Marchers


Report filed by Lance Canyon

Saturday afternoon in Las Vegas, NV.  Local Trump supporters took to the streets to show their support for our dear leader by wearing MAGA hats, waving flags, and warning of the dangers of losing the second amendment.  Only minutes into their march they were accosted by a go up of Liberal internet trolls of all sizes and shapes, rocking the streets of the City of Sin. It didn’t take long for the Liberal trolls to go to insults (they always do), followed by bitchslapping, urine-filled water balloons, and the throwing of Birkenstock shoes.  Four patriots were injured in the meelee.

The liberals escaped the scene atop a giant penis vehicle before they could be immediately caught by local police.

Some of the comments heard in the shouting were things like “FUCK TRUMP!” and “WIPE YOUR FACE OFF YOU HAVE CHEETO DUST ON YOUR LIPS FROM SUCKING HIS COCK!” Three of the Liberal trolls, identified by onlookers as Chris Blair (AKA Bust a Troll), Malcolm Reynolds, and Rod G. Ozinya were placed under arrest for hurting the Trump supporters’ feelings. Chris Blair’s official comment was: “Those taters should grow some thicker skin and stop being such snowflakes.”  What happened to respect in this country? These fine folks were only exercising their First Amendment rights to spread fake paranoia about their second amendment rights, and did not deserve this abuse. We don’t know how these shenanigans will end after the marchers are treated with My Little Pony band-aids, but it isn’t looking good.

These sinister objects were found at the scene. They are currently being tested for witchcraft.

Rumors had been swirling for some time that the “trolls”, representing a network of hatred, were planning to descend on Las Vegas as an army, similar to Antifa, and those fears became a horrifying reality.  Thank God no one was armed, or this could have gotten serious.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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