Liberals to Blame for Toilet Paper Shortage

The truth is right in front of you

Left Liberals in the Pacific Northwest are doing everything that they can to stop toilet paper production. They are blocking trucks and chaining themselves to trees all over the region, making production nearly impossible.

During the coronavirus pandemic, when toilet paper is flying off the shelves for unknown reasons considering it’s a respiratory illness, liberals are blocking entrances and exits to production facilities to, in their words, “save the trees and own the conservatives.”

Trucker Joe Barron of Oregon said:

“I’ve never seen anything like this. They’re chaining themselves to trees, and scooting themselves across the grass and using pine cones to wipe themselves.”

He said they are also screaming and chanting, frightening bears and other wildlife in the area. And that doesn’t even begin to address the smell. Oh, the smell.

In nearby Unity, Oregon, several 1960’s era Volkswagen busses and vans are blocking the entrance to United Toilet Paper Industries, making it impossible for logging trucks to enter the facility, with many praying over the logs. The smell of marijuana and body odor permeating the air, making it necessary for truckers to wear gas masks.

The craziness started when Dear Leader Trump spoke on Friday, trying and failing to calm the citizens about the coronavirus. It’s created more panic and toilet paper hoarding. This generally happens when the population realizes he’s full of it.

Truckers and toilet paper producers all over America are dumbfounded by the Toilet Paper Protesters, as they’ve dubbed themselves. “All of a sudden, weirdos from all over have been protesting toilet paper, while other weirdos are stocking up on mass amounts of it”, Sandy Batt, a veteran trucker said.

We are all hoping for a quick end to the protests, which have absolutely no rhyme or reason, just like the run on toilet paper itself. Meanwhile, the toilet paper producers and truckers can’t get to the banks fast enough to deposit the riches from the pandemic.

About Craven Moorehead 38 Articles
Hello. My name is Craven Moorehead. I was born in Frog Balls, Arkansas to my parents, Wanton and AintGivin Moorehead. I’m a total trump supportin, gun shootin, Budweiser drinkin potatoriot. I’m Good as mashing taters and lovin the big gals. F the NFL and Go Eagles.

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