The Clintons Are Finally Being Investigated For Murder

According to sources close to the District Attorney of Sandybatt County, Arkansas, Bill and Hillary Clinton have been officially named as persons of interest in the death of 3 women in the late 1970s.

The story, which fits the narrative perfectly that the Clintons are killers, has no basis in fact and has little to no credibility as actual news.

DA Joe Barron says they have evidence that ties the Clintons to the women that most judges would consider circumstantial, but not in Sandybatt:

“Heck if we was anywheres else there’s be no way in tarnation we’d get a judge to sign off on this nonsense.

“We just wanna make sure history records someone chargin them with their killins.”

Arkansas State Attorney General, Art Tubolls, says he’s pretty sure the case won’t make it out of the cousinphucker little town trying to make a name for itself, but he thinks they should definitely exhaust all of their legal options, as is the current trend for such things.

The Clintons haven’t responded to requests for comment, since this is a crock of doody and nobody has asked for one.

According to the author’s imagination, the women allegedly died after Bill had a wild night with them and Hillary walked in.

Legend has it she ate their hearts before consuming their souls. Sad.

 

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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