CNN Hires Kathy Griffin as Trump Investigative Lead

THAT FIGURES!

Comediane Kathy Griffin has experienced a surge of popularity in the past years since her infamous severed head “joke” at the *President’s expense.  The initial backlash by hordes of conservative patriots loyal to Donald Trump caused a career low for the star, but slowly, as time went on, she rose again like a redheaded Phoenix.  With a resurgent comedy tour and popularity rating, it seems as if her figurative opinions of the bulbous leader have become shared amongst a majority of the American people.

This afternoon, citing Griffin’s experience in the media arena and her collegiate background in journalism and related professional fields of study, the CNN news network announced they had officially hired Griffin to be the lead White House press corps reporter, to be featured as the main inquisitionist during conferences and speeches.  No question or subject will be off-limits.

Not even Trump’s attic-son Burble.

Joe Barron, director of the network’s department of morbidly obese questioning told media sources that Griffin was already warming up for a tough job.

“Basically, the idea is just to go along with a shitshow.  See, no matter who we send it what they ask, Trump is going to be the biggest asshole baby about it.   And he’ll lie anyway.  So we figured, why bother taking up the time and energy of a real investigator?  Might as well make it a show.  So we’re just gonna let Kathy go at him.  Should be pretty entertaining.  He’s gonna blow a nut.  I’m betting those fat little fingers will be all over Twitter like Melania on a five hanging off a stripper pole.”

Or like Lindsey Graham at a very open-minded firehouse.

Griffin has said she already plans to ask the *President about his weight and legendarily horrific odor, as well as possibly giving him a quiz that includes spelling and math sections as well as challenging him to speak a single coherent sentence within three minutes.

*Impeached

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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