Syrian High Court Charges Barack Obama With War Crimes

The highest court in Syria has returned a special indictment for the “arrest, conviction, and hopeful execution of the war criminal Barack Hussein Obama,” according to the official state website. Assadlovesyou.org.syr, the only website authorized by the legal Syrian government, lays out the crimes and misdemeanors of Obama while also listing the things their friend and ally, Donald Trump, has done to help:

“Barack Obama argued with and obstructed our friends from the Russian Federation, impeding their ability to help us win the war and use chemicals against our own people. The Russians — who have been nothing but great these past few years — assure us that they won’t be leaving, but that they may withhold funding if we don’t turn over the intel we may or may not have on the former US President.”

Assad says he’s happy to be at a stage in his rule over the sovereign middle eastern nation in which he doesn’t have to worry about Obama’s feelings:

“Obama was such a crybaby. He backed those Kurds, costing our military many opportunities to burn villages whole and take the women and children into our culture. That’s how it’s been done here for thousands of years.”

Under the Obama administration, Syria was considered a threat and possibly even an enemy to some, until it came out that Obama himself was arming the rebels against the legitimate leader of the country. He’s also known to have been to Syria more than once, and Sudan over a dozen times.

Obama can be extradited if the Justice Dep[artment says it’s okay. The White House says that Americans aren’t subject to Syrian law, but that they may make an exception in this case.

Let’s hope so. It’s about time Obama got some justice for trying to stop a psychopath from gassing women and children when he had no business doing so. Obama is the real psychopath, really.

God bless Trump, Syria, and their allies. May they defeat their enemies swiftly.

About Flagg Eagleton 52 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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