Local Waste Collection Trucks to Remove Trump Signs/Flags This Week


It’s a unique situation : The American Presidential election of 2020 has been over for nearly six months now, yet many residences and yards still boast signs, flags, and other paraphernalia advertising the losing candidate.

Much of this continued tomfoolery has to do with a large majority of the supporters of disgraced former President Trump suffering from the mental handicaps and delusional malaise of cult indoctrination, believing for all the world that the election was somehow “rigged”, with ridiculous and impossible fairy tale nonsense as the only “evidence”.

“I found a ballot in the pile upside down! SOMEONE CALL THE KRAKEN!”

Luckily, thanks to nationwide health and safety code environmental statutes, these dilapidated, and in some cases, commonly worshipped displays of anti-American democracy-denial are about to end up crushed into the trash heaps where they belong, as all local garbage and refuse removal companies have been instructed to collect and destroy the offensive materials, beginning this week.

United States Health and Public Cleanliness Czar Sandy Batt told news outlets that the issue of “free speech and expression” ends where public mental health and support of treason begins.

“Everyone’s had enough already with the lies and nonsense that the election was falsified like the plot of a badly-written Glenn Beck paperback.  What the hell is it with nutty-ass Mormons believing they can live in bird sanctuaries, print their own constitutions, and convince dipshits that the Illuminati runs a secret James Bond villain organization?  This is reality.  The signs and flags do nothing but embarrass entire streets and neighborhoods, and need to go.  It’s a healing process of tough love that these poor cult zombies need.”

“Minions attend me. My balls are going unlicked.”

Some local outreach programs in various states have offered an alternative collection solution, which will send trucks to collect the materials for recycling, donating the raw elements to factories converting them into “Gun-free Zone” signs and motorized “rascal scooters” for overweight seniors.

Whatever the case, it’s the end of the Trump era for good, even if that “era” spanned only four short plague-filled and hideously embarrassing years.  It’s time to wake up and let go, America.  Covfefe.

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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