Police Officers Fired For Patrol Car With Trump Bumper Sticker


The scenic town of Battsburgh, Corado is less two peacekeepers today, after it was formally announced that patrolmen Jack Bowman and Esteban Contreras had been placed on permanent leave of absence without pay or benefits after complaints surfaced that they had wilfully displayed a “Trump 2020” bumper sticker on their patrol vehicle.  Technically, placing such a politically-specific sign on police property is a violation of civil code 884-13a.

In the same city, it’s also a violation of civil code to sexually accost a cantaloupe, but not a honeydew. The More You Know, kids!

Records indicate the pair affixed the decal to vehicle NC1701 in October of 2019 after a celebration of victory in a separate lawsuit where both individuals were absolved of a fatal shooting after they opened fire on an 83-year old woman, Aubrey Nelson, who had been walking her dog, which the duo had erroneously identified as a saber tooth tiger.  Evidence in the case had been overwhelming, however, the state defense had cleared both defendants by positing that since President Trump had made lying and misdirection a normal state of existence, the officers should have the same privileges.

After the news, President Trump immediately overreacted by signing an executive order allowing cops to legally re-enact any scene from the movie “Cobra.”

The complaint about the bumper sticker came from city employee Joseph Barron, a local employee at a baseball-seam stitching factory, who noticed the adornment on the car several times when it was parked outside of the Itchy Kitty gentlemen’s club.  He told investigators he found the sticker : “offensive and inappropriate”:

“The Trump sticker on a police car is a demoralizing and depressing display for employees of the police department to exercise in public.  It shows to everyone that these officers, who we trust with our safety and well-being are unintelligent and racist.  Basically, douchebags.  It’s a douchebag label.  And it shouldn’t be allowed.”

The Battsburgh Internal Affairs Bureau agreed with the complaint, and engineered the immediate dismissal of both officers, who had been suspended in 2013 for engaging in a high-speed chase in a Wal-Mart parking lot with a teenager on a pogo stick, and again in 2015, when they fired seventeen shots from their weapons in an attempt to solve a Rubik’s cube in front of a local school.  Apparently the bumper sticker was the last straw.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment