St. Louis Cardinals Assaulted By Crazy Liberals For Wearing Red Hats

 

 

Major League Baseball’s St. Louis Cardinals are amongst the league’s elite. Former World Series champions and still a contender each year, they are one of the National League’s best. So you would think they’d be well known. You would think that any real Americans would know this great team from America’s national past time.

Not so for liberals. Proving once again that they are not real Americans, a liberal mob assaulted four St. Louis cardinal team players this past weekend. Why, you ask? Because they were wearing the team’s red hats.

Marcel Ozuna, Paul Goldschmidt, Matt Carpenter, and Jordan Hicks were leaving Busch Stadium in St Louis on Friday after trouncing the visiting LA Dodgers. They were in good spirits, the glow of victory still surrounding them. Out of nowhere, an angry mob in “Hillary 2020” shirts stepped out and began to jeer them, calling them “Trump Humpers” and “Trumpanzees”, two of the typical childish insults used by liberals on the good amongst us who dutifully support our president.

The hooligans then proceeded to rip the hats off the heads of the baseball players and stomp on them, saying “We don’t want none of you maga, red hat Trump pansies here! That’s when things got really ugly. The liberal crowd began to punch and kick the baseball players who were helpless against their numbers. They were vicious and relentless. Player injuries included facial contusions, broken bones, and multiple lacerations. All are still recovering in Smartin Hospital in St Louis. One is in a coma.

Last month, the Phillie Phanatic was similarly attacked for its hat.

The unruly gang is still at large. Police are asking the public for help in apprehending them. The only description made available contained two words : “liberal” and “stupid”. The two go hand in hand.

About Rod Gozinya 107 Articles
Rod Gozinya is a self-described dick. This refers not to his manhood but the type of man he is. He doesn’t like you.