In the almost 250 year history of our republic, legitimate churches and other houses of worship of always enjoyed tax free status. This is because of the good works they do and their nonprofit nature. Christian churches, Jewish synagogues, even the odd mosque and temple do charitable good.
But now Nancy Pelosi’s Democrats have perverted this sanctuary exception to taxation. As of Monday, the Satyanic Church has been recognized as a religion and granted the same status. No longer will they have to pay anything to local, state, or federal governments. In addiction, their temples will be recognized as sacrosanct, there will be legally recognized confidentiality, and their orgies will be allowed to be visible to the public as long as they remain on temple grounds.
Pelosi was unrepentant about her decision to put the push this through. She said :
”Satyanism saves lives. It gives hope. And most importantly, it kickstarts your sex life. I’m almost 80 years old. Those orgies are a godsend! Oops! I mean, Satyasend.
The Satyanic Church has more legitimacy than, say, an international church that commits and covers up pedophilia for centuries. I’m not naming any names. You’ll have to guess which faith I’m speaking of.”
The Supreme Court will hear arguments to quash this travesty in 2 weeks. Your dashing reporter, Rod Gozinya, will be at those hearings ready to send you the latest developments as soon as they’re known.