Trump Prays For Police With Reagan’s Bible

AMEN LORD!

When America is in crisis, it takes a brave and God-fearing leader to assure all of our citizens that we will make it through as the Shining City on the Hill that a great visionary once painted us to be.  That visionary was President Ronald Wilson Reagan.  And today, that great leader is *President Donald John Trump.  And just this week, we were blessed to see them together, in a spiritual way.

Definitely not in a Paul Rubens and a hole-in-a-popcorn-bucket kind of way.

In the midst of rioting and chaos, the *President emerged from Washington D.C’s Church of the Beloved Obese holding the very Bible formerly owned by Reagan, used for his own prayer and guidance back in the halcyon days of the 80’s when our country was beautiful, with men and women having a love affair with cocaine, and the brilliant music of visionaries like Wang Chung moved our hearts.

Trump read a passage from the Book of Joe Barron, an often overlooked portion following Corinthians 2, and spoke of love and safety for the brave police forces at work during this time:

“I know it seems like the police…and believe me, no one knows how to police like I do…okay?  The police, it seems like, often overstep their authority when they deal with the blacks.  But this isn’t about the blacks.  The blacks are a good, proud people.  They’re not rioting.  It’s that Antifa.  Antifa is everywhere and they’re bad people, believe me.  Not the blacks.  The police and the blacks can get along.  We need to pray that Antifa gets out.  Is what we need.  Pray to God.  Okay?  Guy in the sky.  Beard.  Not a woman.  Could be a black.  Who knows?  Good people, the blacks.”

Except that OJ character. He and I never met. Believe me. That video with me and him and Helen Hunt? Fake news.

Trump’s statement was carried worldwide and translated into dozens of languages, just so that other countries can really understand how truly screwed America has become.  If only Reagan truly was here, because at least the Alzheimer’s was an excuse.

*Impeached

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment