Romney Endorses Joe Biden


After his unsuccessful run for President against Barack Obama, Mitt Romney hasn’t exactly acted like the Republican’s Republican.  He’s voted against several pieces of GOP legislation while representing the state of Utah in the Senate, and he was the only voice of the conservative right to correctly recommend that Donald Trump be charged and prosecuted for crimes during his historic impeachment trial.   Now, however, his seemingly turncoat antics may have gone too far.  Like someone giving Melania Trump an American Express Gold Card at the Bunny Ranch.

Bristol is actually accepting Marlboro Miles.

Just this morning, at the Brigham Young pagoda of Utah’s Sandy Batt Fellowship Hall, the Informin’ Mormon told a gathered press corps that he would be endorsing candidate Joe Biden for the 2020 Presidential election over incumbent and fellow Republican Donald Trump.   His ten minute long speech excoriated the beleaguered pandemic-botching fumbletwat and left supporters cold:

“I cannot, in good faith, and with hands raised to Heavenly Father, throw any manner of assistance towards the President and risk having four more years of his ineptitude and sheer criminality screwing over our country.  Joe Biden is at least sane, capable, and not Representitive of Nazis and racists.  I intend to contribute my, and my State’s efforts to the rising Joementum movement in order to save America from a severely mentally handicapped evil gorilla and his pea-brained followers. Amen.”


Romney not only intends to privately endorse Biden, but has also funded millions of dollars worth of political advertisements for his campaign in an effort to swing his state to blue.  So far, it seems to be working, as 4 of 5 latter-day saints registered to vote in the Caucasianest State have expressed fealty towards the overly vanilla Dem.  It appears that Mitt Romney may end up being the wild card of the election.  Which would mark the one and only time the senator would have the word “Wild” in any way associated with him.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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