Disney’s Live-Action ‘Notre Dame’ to Star Sarah Huckabee Sanders


When you work for a President like Donald Trump, the opportunities come hard and fast, like Charlie Sheen in a Tijuana ladies room.  When press secretary and White House Sleestak ambassador Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced that she’d be stepping down this year, the offers flooded in.  She was offered the opportunity to be the voice of a CGI booger in a series of “Mucinex” commercials.  Fox News offered to build her a unique “country barn” set to do a show where she would appear as both herself, and “Elsie the News Cow”.  Even retailer Macy’s wanted to take advantage, begging the Presidential spin-artist to pose as a model for future Thanksgiving parade balloons.

Macy’s is still reeling from last year’s incident when the Bill O’Reilly balloon became untethered and nearly beat the Betty Boop balloon half to death with a loofah.

Sanders chose the high-profile gig with Disney, however, and explained why to the Washington Daily Queefer :

“A lot of it is the challenge of the character.  I think he’s a role model for the Hunchbackian Americans out there, you know, a positive force.  And I’m honored that the studio would choose a Hunchbackian actor. Or actress, I’m this case.  Also, the Kraft food service people are going to follow me around with a buffet.  I mean, who wouldn’t want that?”

Sanders also noted that she wouldn’t rule out returning to her position should the President request it of her.

“Oh, of course!  Mr. Trump is like a second father to me.  My first one was a douchebag too, so how lucky can a girl get to have two?”


About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.