As a second term campaign promise, President Trump will streamline America’s law-enforcement to make it more in line with American ideals. What does this mean you ask? According to White House spokesperson, Greg Page, it means moving away from socialism.
“The way that law enforcement is currently run is entirely socialist. No profit is made. This will change.
I don’t know how the liberals managed to sneak in such a huge commie program and establish it in every corner of American society but here we are and it’s disgusting. Taxpayer money needs to be used responsibly and that means not using it to push a pinko agenda.
Henceforth, the law will turn a profit. A cost risk analysis will be performed prior to the start of all criminal investigations. Only those which are found to be potentially lucrative financially will be pursued. These windfalls could be the result of asset seizures or whatever – I don’t know all the details – but money must be made.”
Lubiner went on to say that after a period of time every law on the books will come under review. Those found to be repeatedly unprofitable would be stricken and the subject made legal. When asked if it was likely that the war on drugs would come to an end, he answered, “No, not that one. We like using that to stick it to the libs.”
Also addressed was how this policy change would affect their “law & order party” status. Lubie answered, “We are still the law and order party but we are also the fiscal responsibility party and the fight back the communist hordes party. A balance must be struck. This is it.”