In a surprise move today, President Trump declared to the world in a press conference that, “The Earth is as flat as a pancake!”
The announcement was especially surprising as the press conference in question had been originally called in order to discuss the possibility of launching ICBM’s and completely obliterating the entire Middle East. That original purpose was shocking enough. It was, in fact, monumental. President Trump had given the “headline” about the potential missile attack in a written press release yesterday and invited the entire White House Press Corps back today to “debate the attack in a civilized manner”.
Obviously, all returned as this was the biggest worldwide news in history. And the chance to influence such a move was irresistible.
But, alas, when they arrived, he made the flat earth announcement, further shocking all. When asked about the Middle East debate that they were told about, Trump answered,”Haha! That was a lie. I knew you’d laugh at me if I said I wanted to show you our flat earth evidence so I made that mideast stuff up! It got you here, didn’t it?”
The President and his team then started a powerpoint presentation providing evidence of their flat earth conclusion for the media. The slides consisted entirely of memes from the Facebook page “Down With Big Globe“, of which the President is a huge fan.
When the presentation was concluded and the media began to raise their arms for question period, President Trump made one more statement :
“By the way, in the 3 hours I took to go through this display, a thousand missiles just erased the entire Middle East from the map.
The earth is still flat. It’s really true. It’s just a lot flatter in that area.”
Finally, some recognition from respected government figures on the real geographical makeup of our world. Our knowledge has now been given credibility.