Pope Francis : ‘Trump Not Acquitted In God’s Eyes’


His Eminence Pope Francis took a moment of time this morning during his daily mass in the Vatican’s Barron Basilica to take what appeared to be a quick jab at American President Donald Trump.  According to sources within the congregation, the pontiff had been preaching a sermon dealing with the importance of justice, punishment, and redemption, and brought up the impeachment and trial of the beleagured con man-in chief:

“As we have seen, in the American world, justice sometimes fails.  The President, Donald Trump, pretends to have Christian values.  He does not.  He pretends that he can escape the punishment that chases him as the Romans chased Christ ; he can not.  He has not been acquitted in the Lord God’s eyes.  He will be called upon on his own day of judgement, and at that time, there will be witnesses and evidence.  Heaven has no place for frauds, criminals, and liars.  Thank you.  Can I have another Yoo Hoo up here please?”

The Pope also has a case of “Whatchamacallit” candy bars flown in once a week. Amen.

His Holiness has pretty regularly demonstrated a dislike for the President and his policies and actions.  Born in a socialist pecan farm in Venezuela, Francis entered the priesthood at the age of 12, paying his way by working at a local Bennigans restaurant as an undertable gum-remover.  Thanks to his work with lepers and children born without foreheads, the young priest shot up through the clergy to make Bishop by his fourtieth birthday.  He then spent decades doing what Bishops do, walking around swinging a chain with a ball full of smoke on the end of it for no reason.

Although many believe it gives the clerics a hardcore Yu-Gi-Oh pimp hand.

As the worldwide official voice of God, the Pope’s words go a long way with the masses.  Could his disapproval of the Portly President’s sham of a Senate trial prove damaging to the incumbent’s chances in the upcoming election?  We can only pray for the issue to resolve, and for America to be delivered a leader who doesn’t put children in cages until they die.  And no, “Obama didn’t start that”, teabaggers.  And to be on notice, none of you festering glassy-eyed rejects from a “Hills Have Eyes” movie are absolved either.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment