Pope Francis Supports Biden’s Vaccine Mandate


The Vatican – Pope Francis gave a rousing and inspirational speech on American President Joe Biden’s vaccine mandate this weekend, calling it : “The deftly superior vision of a man trying to save lives.”

Surrounded on the veranda by various Cardinals and attending to a flock of a record four hundred thousand parishioners, Francis made it perfectly clear that the vaccines were here to help humanity.

“The vaccines are saving humanity from the horror and inconvenience of the Trump Plague.  Mr. Biden’s mandate is clear and welcome, and those of you who fear the jab or believe it somehow is illegal and violates your rights are, at this point, tards.”

Didn’t get the mandate. Now doing life for Failure to Not Be a Dick.

Some heavy words from the Holy See.   But does the Popery really have any say on a public health crisis?  Joe Barron, who was at the event selling giant foam fingers, tells us what he knows.

“The Pope, theoretically, is God’s human mesaanger to the masses on Earth.  What he says is the Word of the Lord.  So God is with Biden and approves of the mandate.  That’s really all I need to know.”

Barron went on after making a sale and adjusting his pants.

“Got jabbed just watching the guy.  Now I can taste sounds.  Delicious car horn, by the way.”

Pope Francis has also made clear that he would support Biden for reelection and considers anyone yammering about “commies” and “marxism” a tooly dipshit who gets news from darkened amateur YouTube videos like a fruitcake.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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