Fetal Tissue Salesmen Exposed for Selling ‘Perfect Material for Luggage’


It’s not much of a surprise that good, hardworking, God-fearing Americans conjure an image of a tiny rubber fetus denied it’s constitutional right to life lying on a cold metal table, or an image from one of the many videos that exposed fraud “Project Veritas” made of laughing employees when you see the words “Planned Parenthood.”  Their claim, with a chorus of nattering liberals backing them up with “real-world statistics” and “verifyable evidence” is that the organization is primarily concerned with women’s health, and that abortion procedures are a tiny fraction of their medical work.  Well, call me crazy, but how about I just worry about my woman’s health, thank you very much.

Now, we’re hearing reports that police detectives in the Empire State have busted several employees of a local chapter of Planned Parenthood selling fetal tissue to “Rough Tuggers”, a Brooklyn-based luggage manufacturer.  While it’s true that these reports are coming from my wife’s sister Freeway, (Her parents named her after the dog in the ‘Hart to Hart’ T.V. show), they do seem utterly realistic nowadays as the liberal left continue their agenda of ultimately replacing American children with brown ones coming across an open border.  Freeway often sleeps on top of her refrigerator and is a huge fan of Adrian Brody, so if you’re an open guy and have maybe that same kind of fish-face, send old Fallis a message, and I’ll set you two up to meet in a Bennigan’s or something.

They have this thing, the Monte Christo, a fried sandwich. It’s what Charlize Theron ate for weeks to ugly herself up for her role in “Monster.”

As I thought about how God must be crying about the innocent flesh being made into handbags or possibly fanny-packs, I stood humble, watching my wife sleep off the peach schnaaps she’d been swigging during a “Small Wonder” marathon on the tube, I further ruminated that women are treasures.  To have real, undying, American love for your woman is to be supportive and strong, even when she is obsessed with a program about a mechanical child.  Even in her noisy gas-laden slumber, she dreamed of a robotic tot that was at least…alive.

In a Very Special Episode, Vicki demonstrates to her family that nothing can kill her, and begins forming Skynet.

I certainly hope that the N.Y.P.D. press full charges against these monsters and lock them up in Gitmo, right next to the cell being saved for one Hillary Rodham Clinton.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.