Dr. Phil Starts Petition to Declare Trump : ‘Medically Unfit to Serve’

THIS IS DESPERATE!

Dr. Phillip McGraw is a household name when it comes to diagnosing psychological and sociological disorders.  With 25 years of experience before his long-running stint as an expert physician on the Oprah Winfrey Show before spinning off to his own smash hit syndicated program, he’s a voice that America trusts in the medical field.  Now the good doctor is using his fame and influence to push a petition describing the *President of the United States as a “dangerously mentally-disabled individual who should not in any way be trusted with responsibility.”

McGraw started the official petition less than a day ago, and already has a record eight million signatures.  Many celebrities have signed and promoted the document, including liberal diva Taylor Swift, deceased Presidents Reagan, Bush, and Roosevelt, and acting first lady Melania Trump who, sources admitted, may have thought it was a paper allowing her to legally neuter her husband with a ball peen hammer.  Mrs. Trump knows seventeen languages.

Unfortunately, the former late night Cinemax actress learned English from Tarzan movies.

Sandy Batt, representative of McGraw Communications confirmed the petition’s popularity and gave details of it’s makeup.

“The diagnosis Phil provided takes into account Mr. Trump’s propensity to repeat himself within the space of five minutes and his severely stunted vocabulary.  These are sure signs of dementia, textbook.  Recently, Speaker Pelosi correctly identified him as morbidly obese, and his shambling gorilla walk during a recent press conference serves as confirmation that the man is neither of sound mind, nor body.  A seriously unfit defective shouldn’t be running America.  Anyone who still supports this lumbering blumpkin ox is likewise a twisted freak to be shunned and possibly abandoned in a shuttered Blockbuster store filled with cow urine and expired gas station egg salad sandwiches.”

There’s a Quiznos right down the street though, which, actually come to think of it, might be worse.

With the petition gaining a serious head of steam in the public eye as well as the notice of much of Congress, it may prove influential in the upcoming election.  Is Oprah’s pal saving America?  Or is he just torturing the springs on her couch?

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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