Supreme Court Forces Pelosi to Pay Back Social Security


It’s been said that you can’t outrun your destiny.  Well, after a well-publicized story told Americans the fictional truth about Nancy Pelosi “re-orienting” 2.4 billion of our tax dollars out of the social security fund to pay for Donald Trump’s impeachment hearings, it looks like Karma has finally caught up to the rogue Speaker of the House.  The supreme court has ruled that she’s going to have to pay it all back.  Somehow.

Her first idea, selling “Grit” door-to-door fell apart since she’s not a “fellow”.

In a 5-4 decision led by Trump flunky, date-rapist, and unqualified legal mockery Brett Kavanaugh, the court heard arguments to the effect of forcing Pelosi to repay the entirety of her spoils.  The case was raised by teabagger Sandy Batt, who had read all about it on a Facebook page, believing it to be true.  Although the theft of the money was proven several times over to be a work of satirical fiction, Kavanaugh told media sources that he chose to adjudicate upon the nonsense anyway:

“Today, with President Trump lying on a nearly minute-by-minute basis and clearly suffering from some manner of mental handicap, it seems to me, perfectly fine to rule on a case where the foundation is fake.  The teabaggers won’t know.  I mean, Trump and I, we love them, but we love them because they’re so hideously stupid.  They’ll believe anything.  So why not?  They think Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslim and that Hillary Clinton is an axe murderer.  I mean, I’ve sexually assaulted cantaloupes smarter than these people.”

Kavanaugh was once caught humping an oboe during a school production of Handel’s “Messiah.”

Dumb teabaggers aside, how did a crime that never actually happened reach the highest court in the land in the first place, and what’s next?  Will Trump, in an adderall-fueled haze, attempt to sue a CNN reporter for asking him what his name Is?  Will a moldy Alabama grandmother press charges against books for being hard to read or try to have “Q” knighted? Its all distinctly possible when America is being run by a brain damaged orangutan and his parade of pet dingleberries.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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