The Clinton Foundation Stands to Make Billions From the Pandemic

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With the economy in freefall and a record number of Americans out of work, it’s nothing short of a miracle to be employed and pay bills unless you’re a vital service provider.  Apparently, that label somehow applies to the Clinton Foundation, since recent records of an independent investigation have revealed that the “charitable” organization has profited over $13 billion to date, and stands to make much much more.

That works out to nearly 300 Melanias in Slovenian currency.

What has been emerging from the research is a picture uglier than a Teddy Ruxpin doll with a penis playing an Erasure tape.  Reports indicate that the Foundation is the silent parent company of Hill’s Killer Spindles, a corporation responsible for producing nearly 95% of all spindling and rolling machines on earth.  Guess what needs to be spindled and rolled?  Toilet paper.  Wipe with that, Bill Gates.

Couple that with the Clinton Foundation’s control of eighteen separate reality show programming networks, and you’re looking at a lot of profit when old people are quarantined at home with nothing to watch and an instinctual hatred of any scripted programs after 1980 except for Murder, She Wrote, and Big Bang Theory.  That’s why Vanderpump Rules and Sister Wives is still happily traipsing across the airwaves.  Thanks, Obama.

Except for “Little People, Big World.” Satan owns that one 100%.

It doesn’t end there.  The Clinton’s make 7 dollars every time you order a pizza.  Doesn’t matter where it’s from, they bought the copyright to “pizza” a decade ago.  Have you done any laundry?  Guess what.  That scented dryer sheet was given it’s odor by Les Parfumeries De Clintonel, the French corporate smellery.   Owned and operated by the Clinton Foundation.

I’m sure no one’s surprised that the Clintons found a way to profit as thousands die due to an incomperent President’s ineptitude.  It’s their world.  You just live in it.

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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