Bank Teller Fired For Wearing Trump Mask


Sandy Batt was thrilled when she was called back to work last month at the Baggerville, Kentucky branch of First National Bank where she had been employed for the last three years.  The Coronavirus closures had bit into her pocketbook and money was getting scarce.  The return to a sense of normalcy and familiar pattern was comforting.

Like when you haven’t played Sonic in forever and you remember: “Oh yeah! Left, right, Left, right, X, Y, start!” And then you can cheat!

Manager Alex Lifeson informed her that due to corporate policy, all employees were mandated to wear a mask for the protection of their clientele.  Dutifully, Batt donned her favorite while she toiled, a beautiful face-covering emblazoned with the name of our President, the man who caused the proliferation of the viral crisis in the first place, congenital incompetent fuck-up, Donald Trump.

On her third day behind the counter, a customer wishing to deposit a check took notice of the mask, and asked Batt if she happened to be mentally handicapped, as the irony of wearing a protective mask bearing the name of the man most responsible for the spread America’s most deadly plague seemed to be lost on the slightly stocky teller.  She responded by tearing up the check and launching into a rant that included child trafficking, Mexicans, Hillary Clinton drinking blood and shaking hands with Satan, and, somehow, 5g cell service.  She was immediately fired.

Now Batt is seeking retribution in court, but her lawyer, Carl Pilkington says she hasn’t a prayer.  Much like Facebook, the bank is a business that can set it’s own rules, and participation by employees depends on that compliance.  The lawyer says the bank is well within it’s rights to fire her for being a trumptard in the same way a construction company could fire a worker for consistently having sex with a cement mixer.

“You need to see me in the office? Is this about the missing mouse janitors? Because I plead the fifth.”

Is this America, patriots, when even after following one stupid rule, you can get fired for simply doing it in an obnoxious and incredibly stupid manner while embarrassing your employer?  Apparently so.  How’s that “hope and change” workin’ out for ya?

About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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