Ocasio-Cortez Submits Bill Banning All Open-Carry


Here we go again.  If you were waiting for Congress’s Pippi Socialiststockings to do something that isn’t stupid, today is not your day.  With an excited flurry of fanfare, the youngest member of Congress at 23 offered up bill 6566 to submit for review, which states that: “The practice of openly carrying a weapon or firearm on one’s person in common view of the public shall be made an illegal act within the United States and subject to fine or imprisonment.”

A similar punishment is being bandied about for douchebags who drive a Lexus and blast “Rage Against The Machine” out the windows.

The Big Apple’s Littlest Fruitcake took a moment out of what we’re sure was a busy day dressing up Malibu Barbie and playing Dance Dance Revolution to explain her line of reasoning from the local mall’s Orange Julius kiosk :

“Omigod, we can’t have like, these crazy people just walking around waving their guns everywhere.   It’s super dange.  There’s totes no reason for it, and it’s ugly and embarrassing.  Like, dude, I’m sorry your banana’s all tiny and shrunken, but go get those old man boner pills or something.  Okay?  That’s the 411, peeps.”

“Oh WOW Spencer’s has the new Riverdale T-shirts!”

If the bill passes in Congress, it will still need to get through the Senate, which it might, now that Mitt Romney has shown his true colors and become a Democrat traitor.   It looks like our second amendment is being threatened by a girl who probably hasn’t even grown her second set of teeth yet.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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