Mexico Bans Entry to ‘Filthy Diseased’ Americans


One of two of our closest allies and most valuable border-sharing trading partners, has apparently had more than their share of being insulted and sidelined by President Trump’s administration.  As the 2020 election looms ahead, Mexican President Emilio Juanito Lizardo announced that he will be shutting down his country’s entry points along the border as well as ocean and gulf seafaring traffic to travellers and businesses from the United States.

Now we not only lose George Lopez, but the tomatoes that we throw at his unfunny ass too!

Although many trump-supporting empty-headed kankle-enthusiasts would shrug such a declaration off, it means the cancellation of hundreds of cruise lines, a sudden halt to critical food shipments, and a certain rise in gas prices.  Also, no one will be there to help them when a mouse is trapped inside the garden hose.

Mexican ambassador Sandy Batt related the news to the Queeferville Gazette in the most racially insensitive accent she could muster so that Trump’s mutated audience would pay attention.

“Eet ees because of the Trump virus, for which he is making too many mistakes and not understanding the sciencia that we cannot allow the feelthy, how you say, ‘plague rat’ white people to invade our country.  Even some too stupido for to wear mask.  You will stay there, and we will stay here, okay?  Your overweight women living in the trailer homes, they will no more have the guacamole to fill their bellies and pretend are healthy.  Enjoy your ‘Panda Express’ beef and broccoli, but with no broccoli.  And come to theenk of it, no beef.  And time to do your own constructions and lawn mowing, gringos!  Hasta la bye bye!”

“Okay, wait, WAIT! When is Guadalupe coming back again???”

Lizardo gave no indication detailing the extent of what news outlets are calling the “Gringo Ban” or how long it will last.  But one thing is for sure.  Donald Trump is definitely competent in one single area – pissing off all of our allies and making us an embarrassment on the world stage.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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