Pelosi’s Congress Bans Religious Jewelry in Schools


There’s an old numerous anecdote that goes: “How do you know when someone you meet is a Christian?”  The answer?  “Oh, don’t worry.  They’ll fu*king tell you.”  Well, it seems like that’s not so funny now.

No, you’re not wearing any Jedi rags to class either. What happened to that nice Justin Timberlake shirt I bought you?

According to experts, Congressional bill number 6306-C, passed this last week by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and her Democratic majority Congress will effectively ban the wearing and display of religious-oriented jewelry in all public schools.  The ban include a crucifixes, Jewish mezuzas, Hindi and Muslim earrings and pendants, and the alien microchip nipple rings worn by members of the church of Scientology.

Many conservative numbnuts who believe that all prayer was previously “banned” by the left and think it’s the reason that all of society has become the chaotic opening vampire nightclub scene from “Blade 2” are upset by the bill’s passage.  Sandy Batt from the Atheist American Society of God Haters says that’s too bad, so sad.

“School is a place to learn facts and science and behave, not a scummy ass church where kids get fairy tales about men nailed to trees and then coming back to life and talking snakes.  And wearing these little icons of their parent’s nonsense is not conducive to education.

Just why the hell is the cross the symbol of a guy’s teachings and principles if it’s the thing the guy DIED on?  Do you think Jesus would LIKE that?  And Jews, come on with the mini-torahs and the tiny hats. Everything is so small.  At the very least, be proud, Flava Flav style.”

You don’t see everyone wearing an eyepatch to be like that criminal trespasser Plisskin, do you?

The jewelry ban also applies to Donald Trump style “MAGA” hats and shirts, as they qualify under “cult” paraphernalia as well as violating the school’s previous ban against wearing garbage as clothing.  Interesting fact: it was English band The Sex Pistols who pioneered that style to invent “punk” wear while protesting a trash strike.

I guess liberals are against freedom if you’re not Johnny Rotten.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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