NY Bank To Refuse Stimulus Checks With Trump Signature

OFFENSIVE!

The Empire State has had a particularly difficult and tragic time through America’s national crisis, suffering a high and terrible rate of mortality and fighting desperately for medical supplies.  It makes a bit of sense that they’ve come to resent the President who has proven himself unequivocally to be pathetically inept at his handling of the pandemic response.  Well, now New York’s largest banking institution is taking a swipe at Trump by refusing to honor any stimulus check bearing his signature.

A check signed by Trump is about as trustworthy as Charlie Sheen in a CVS stockroom.

Batt National Bank, which boasts nearly branches throughout the state made the announcement in a full-page advertisement in this morning’s edition of the New York Times:

Dear Valued Customers:

We at Batt National pride ourselves on providing you the best, most convenient and reliable service in all of New York.  It is for this reason, we regret we will be unable to accept stimulus checks, or any form of monetary representation bearing Donald Trump’s signature.  For over four decades, Mr. Trump has engaged in deceptive and unethical business practices, placing him on the top of our security risk profile.  We understand your need during these trying times, however, and will gladly accept your business should the offending signature be removed.  Thank you for your understanding, and let’s make America Fraud-free again.

Management of Batt National have confirmed that eliminating President Trump’s signature from the document will make it acceptable, and added that any customer who did so would even receive a “patriotic bonus” of $200 with each deposit.  That’s quite a nice incentive to a lot of people in need.

They’re also giving away free “Watchmen” toasters because that unimpressive movie just didn’t embarrass the source material ENOUGH.

The question then becomes: are you willing to scratch out, place a sticker over, or otherwise eliminate Donald Trump’s unnecessary autograph on your check in return for its processing and an impressive reward?  It may be that a lot of New Yorkers won’t have a problem at all.

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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