Are you confused and disappointed with the results of election 2020? Do you still support the former President and twice-impeached American political hero and movement leader Donald Trump? Well, there’s some good news coming for you, my square-headed friend.
This week, the Trump Organization announced plans for what will be a brand new, annual celebration across the nation. Christened as “MAGAFEST”, the weekend-long festival will take place during the beginning of every July just after the fourth, to pile on the patriotism in America’s jubilant period on a yearly basis.
Described by event organizer Joe Barron as a party atmosphere the size and scope of the legendary “Fyre” festival of 2017, it promises to bring together the absolute dumbest and misshapen of Trump-supporting pork babies in one filthy place.
“We were thinking of like, a ‘Burning Man’, but for Donald’s cult of dipshits that stink of fungal infections and Busch beer, where we could sell them crappy T-shirts for $100 and watered down Mad Dog in dixie cups. It’s the best con yet. The guy loses, and still manages to fleece his idiot followers even more!
This year’s shitshow is taking place in Cousinhumper, Alabama, and will offer a Racist Discount for anyone with a confederate flag entering the main gates. A rascal scooter tram will ferry people to the events, and will be stocked with plenty of methamphetamines and 20-year old stuck-together hard candy for the elderly. No masks required.”
Highlights of the first event will include a speech by the disgraced former President himself, a Kid Rock concert featuring all four of his songs, and superstar thespian Scott Baio reading his script from “Zapped.” Also for amusement is Mike Lindell’s Pillow Sty, a Ted Cruz bitchslapping booth, and the all-new “Pokey Pagoda”, featuring Senator Lindsey Graham.
So potatriots, start saving up those relief checks and Bud bottle recycling refunds. At only a small donation fee of $12,000 per ticket, it’s sure to be the hottest sheep fleecing of the summer!