New White House Program Vows to Eradicate Eating Disorders

“Spitters Are Quitters”

President Trump’s Digestion Czar, Trish Blake, unveiled a new program aimed at combatting eating disorders yesterday. Specifically, the administration will target bulimia, a condition which — to put it simply  — causes the affected to eat with seemingly ravenous appetites, only to purge the food through self-induced vomiting. All of this in an effort to look like our First Lady Melania Trump. The true tragedy here is that such beauty is not attainable by others without extensive cosmetic surgery and expensive kidney operations. Melania is one of a kind.

Trish Blake gained fame and Trump’s attention by eating a record 100 burritos at Taco Bell contest.
Sources say she spit during the break but she maintains her innocence. Trump was impressed by her ability to swallow and took her under his wing

The sultry and stunning Ms. Blake, her beautiful golden locks cascading down her elegant neck and shoulders, complimenting her perfectly feminine visage and hypnotic figure (this description stipulated as an editorial requirement by Blake’s office), provided Daily World Update’s White House liaison with further details.

Trish Blake from her previous modeling days. Required publicity photo provided by the Office of The President.

”Our goal is to give these young girls their lives back. This program emphasizes education above all.  The program’s slogan, “Spitters Are Quitters” appeals to the ear and I am confident it will attract the attention of our target teens.”

The level of caring seen from this administration for our most vulnerable children is unprecedented and truly inspiring. Nothing but good works seem to come from the Trump Presidency.

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.