Navy Report On McCain Treachery Released

A traitor and an idiot

Secretary of the Navy, Admiral Meghan Lewis, released excerpts today of the Navy’s intelligence report into some of the late John McCain’s treacherous, careless, and traitorous behavior while in the US Navy. In her own words:

”We’ve released a small portion of the complete 5000 page report. It details one event aboard the USS Constipation during the Korean Conflict. This event was chosen for release because it perfectly exemplifies the Navy career of Senator John McCain. The log of Captain K. Angeroo details the fateful day.”

That fateful day’s events did something to Captain Angeroo’s head. He spent the remainder of his days in and out of prison cells and asylums.

“Captain’s Log, U.S.S. Constipation, May 31, 1953

Quite an evening in the galley during the evening mess. The young ensign John McCain worked the meal, preparing a fanciful meal of spaghetti Bolognese for the seamen.

The crew was ecstatic as they had been living for long on canned tuna and saltines, as not a soul could cook. A man of McCain’s talents coming aboard was most welcome.

But just as the men began to chow down, McCain came running from the galley and began to frantically knock the plates from their hands, screaming, “ Don’t eat it!”

It seems the young McCain had used bad meat in his dish and, upon learning of his incompetence, tried to rectify his mistake. But he was not able before several men had already taken bites. Those men remain chained to the head as they had some of the worst cases of the trots any man has ever seen. It is truly horrific.

He should have made the pork chops.

For McCain’s part, he is completely shell-shocked by this event and refuses to ever cook again. This is in defiance of direct orders from his higher-ups, myself not included as I prefer not to urinate from my rectum.

I had ordered a court-martial for the traumatized cook but it seems he has friends in high places. The charges have been denied.

So Ensign McCain remains in the Navy, incompetent and cowardly.

God help those he serves with. God help us all.”

Proof that Sen. John McCain was a traitor to these United States. Proof that our President’s analysis of his character has been spot on.

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