Pelosi Demands Doctor Hand Over Trump’s Medical Records

OFFENSIVE!

Citing an official ongoing Congressional inquiry and an official suspicion that the President may be dangerously mentally handicapped, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has issued a demand to Donald Trump’s physician to immediately turn over all of his medical records, including psychological evaluations, to a congressional investigation committee within five days.

“Wait, make it six days, there’s a new Mandalorian coming on in five.”

The President’s physician, Dr. J. Barron, M.D., says he’s happy to comply and told media sources the records are fairly disturbing :

“There’s a medical term for Mr. Trump’s condition, and that is : ‘a giant goddamn mess.’  To start, he’s about 200 pounds overweight, which is like an entire other person.  He’s literally one human being overweight.  His heart is running like a ’73 Pinto with a shot radiator, he’s addicted to adderall to the degree of a ‘Trainspotting’ movie, and there are at least two license plates clogging his large intestine.  Add to that his severe dementia, narcissistic personality disorder, and schizophrenia, my professional opinion is to not let this mutant near anything with a pulse.  Barron, out.”

Assisting physician Dr. Who believes Trump is a life form whose DNA is based entirely on moldy bananas.

Some insiders think that should the impeachment effort run into difficulties in the Senate with Republicans condoning criminal activity, Pelosi will focus instead on proving the President to be incapable of serving out his term and remove him using powers granted by the 25th amendment.

Is Pelosi running a desperate gambit, or is she doing her sworn duty to remove a dangerously incompetent old ignorant bag of garbage from the highest office in the land? We’ll have to wait and see.

About Fallis Gunnington 142 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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