Middle East Peace Talks Halted By Pork Chops

Pig in the middle

The catering choice of an American envoy to Middle East peace talks has ended them as quickly as they began.

Trump should have opted for his personal specialty – the continental delight known as “hamberders”

Acting on instructions from President Trump himself, US Ambassador Trish Blake, opted for breaded pork chops at the “breaking of bread” meal that would open talks designed to end the decades old Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Blake explained why that choice was made :

”President Trump has zero confidence in the Palestinian desire for a lasting peace so he did not see the point of this time wasting, pointless exercise and I agree. Why sit down with these war mongers for weeks or months when they don’t even want to be there? We have better things to do.

So the President recalled the heroics of General Pershing and offered his own take on that. ‘Serve pork chops,’he said. ‘The Israelis will get a kick out of it and the Musslammics will run away in fear and disgust. Then America can hit the links in Tel Aviv!’

This sounded perfect so we put into action. As expected, the Palestinian delegation got up and walked out like the little girls they are. What we didn’t expect was that the Israelis would do the same.

Jared Kushner is reportedly leading a campaign to radically change Judaism

They’re pretty mad at us, the Israelis are. Did anyone know that Jews don’t  eat pork either? Who could have possibly known that?”

Insiders have suggested that this gaffe could set American-Israeli relations back 100 years or more. The White House was unavailable for comment.

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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