Microsoft Owns Controlling Interest In Dewormer Company: Report

A new report from an esteemed researcher has found that Microsoft owns a controlling interest in the horse dewormer company Ivermectin. The report, which may or may not be completely accurate, states that Bill Gates started buying up stock in the company the moment he heard conservative Americans were taking it.

According to Microsoft’s medical division, they don’t have anything to do with the dewormer product, but that they’ve been putting chips in livestock medications for years.

Head researcher in charge of research and redundancy research, Joe Barron, says the move to buy the company was the way to go:

“We tried chipping these folks with vaccines, but they won’t get them. So we’ve started putting our human tracking chip in the horse dewormer. We figure the fools who don’t shit out their own intestines will be ours to watch forever. We’re looking forward to the data on what a rural Trumpster does with his time. Very valuable stuff.”

It would appear that Microsoft is determined to get one of their chips in us no matter what, patriots. If that’s the case, I guess I’d rather get vaccinated than shit out my intestines.

God bless America, Patriots. God bless America.

 

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 148 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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