Merrick Garland Says Federal Charges Against Kyle Rittenhouse Are Coming

Attorney General Merrick Garland says he plans to personally charge Kyle Rittenhouse with federal hate crimes for killing people at a Black Lives Matter protest.

Rittenhouse was just cleared of killing two men in cold blood and seriously wounding a third and can’t be charged with those crimes again under the 3rd Amendment.

Legal experts say he has no ground to stand on.

I like stealing these Fallis pics. They create what I’m calling “tater coherence separation points”

So Garland will have to stretch the law and call what he did a “hate crime,” even though the men he gunned down were all white. It doesn’t matter that the kid was walking around with a lethal weapon and clearly provoked the incident.

In America, if you have a gun and you feel you have to shoot somebody, just remember this line, and when you’re on the stand, repeat it over. And over. And over:

“If I would have let him take my gun from me he would have killed me.”

That’s right, patriots, Precious lil’ Kyle has given us our very own real-life version of South Park’s “It’s coming right for us.” God bless the little rascal.

Anyway, patriots, hopefully you were all taking notes, because when Merrick Garland comes for you after you’re cleared of murder, you’re guaranteed to triple the offer on your book deal.

God Bless America.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 163 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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