McDonald’s Gives In To Musslamic Demands

Halal no!

Springfield, Minnesota used to be a lovely little town. That is, until the Muslammics moved in. Since then, it has changed names to Mohammed City, banned alcohol, and now, forced McDonalds to change their menu.

McDonald’s had already given in to them in some areas. They had stopped serving pork, which meant no bacon on any burgers, and their advertising was Muslammic specific, targeting that particular audience.

But now they’ve gone too far. As of June 31, a Muslim holy day commemorating the slaughter of 2,000,000 Christians in the 1600’s, the McDonald’s in the town of Mohammed City will serve only Halal beef.

Allah has endorsed the change through a public statement?which read,”Yeah. It’s cool.”

Halal beef, as we all  know, is different from American beef. It comes from  only Muslim cows who have been fed a strict diet of human baby parts and the blood of the infidels. It smells and tastes like rotten garbage. Like the stink of a corpse. For that is what makes for a Muslammic feast. Humans are a delicacy to them. The only reason McDonald’s isn’t serving human burgers is because it violates American law.

Spokesman for the Golden Arches, Joseph LaForm told us more :

”This change is not a big deal to us. We are appealing to our customer. Without this change,  our Mohammed City franchises would die. The population of that town sits at 90% Muslammic. We are a business and we are in business to make money.

We have our own cattle ranches And they will be stocked with Muslammic cows. An agreement has been reached with a Planned Parenthood for baby parts to use as feed. They were more than willing to deal since our president began to crack down on their past useless recipients like medical research.

Additionally, our bags will now contain  Kuranic passages to entertain the kids!

McDonald’s is now in the halal business!”

The White House was asked for comment but have yet to respond.

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I refused to evolve and wrote fake news for cash, so I got fired.

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