Pelosi Orders Trump, Pence, to Wear Masks


It’s an old adage – “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”  And it’s one that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi believes is a logical step in preventing the spread of the Covid-19 virus, starting from the top.

Using her executive privelege granted to her as Speaker by article 5, section 3 of the Constitution, Pelosi has issued an order for *President Trump and Vice President Mike Pence to wear a protective face mask at all times, both within the White House and during all rallies, speeches, and public displays.  The order is a legally-binding mandate, and refusing it could cost the commanders in chiefs massive monetary fines and a penalty of quarantine overseen by Capitol police.

The White House Quarantine Chamber was designed some years back by director and musician Rob Zombie.

Joe Barron of the Congressional Department of Trumplube says the edict is a no-brainer for anyone in the highest positions of government.

“As the *President and Vice President of the United States, it falls to these two men to provide an example to all citizens in order to protect their safety.  Not doing so is borderline criminal.  Masks have proven to be effective in reducing the spread of the pandemic.  The staggering incompetence of these leaders has already cost thousands of lives from the beginning, with their failures to control and treat the spread.  The very least they can do is wear protection to convince their little army of absolute morons to follow suit.  We’ve heard a lot of conspiracy crap and whiny bitchwits complaining about mask mandates leading to destruction of their precious ‘freedoms’.  Well, it’s time someone informed them that the normal people have the freedom to not be infected and possibly die because one of Trump’s special class dipshits read a Facebook meme and is dumb enough to make himself a Typhoid Dickhead.  Wear your mask, Mr. President.  Or else.”

“Don’t make Uncle Lindsey chase you down with the Nipple Noodles again, Donnie!”

So far, no comment has come regarding the order from the administration.  The *President was once now, seen wearing a face mask during a recent press conference.  Aides say First Lady Melania has also followed suit with a specially constructed version that covers her eyes as well, offering further protection against seeing who and what she’s married to.


About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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