Pelosi Dismisses SCOTUS Until New Members Are Appointed


Throughout this great nation’s history, it’s often that history is made.  Now, with the Democratic majority in the house and Presidency, we’re about to experience deja-vu all over again with the “packing”, or increasing by four, the membership of the most sacred of governing bodies.  The Supreme Court.

Taking preemptive measures to ensure that any cases brought before the court are adjudicated in a “fair and balanced” manner, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has ordered a two-month pause on any and all cases until the new additions are seated, leaving some two dozen cases effectively up in the air.

Like Melania’s chances of getting out of that marriage with more than ten bucks and a Mar-a-lago keychain.

There’s Sandra Batt vs The State of Alabama, regarding a devout Muslim woman who refused to remove her face covering to confront police officers during a bank robbery.  Similarly in limbo is Planned Parenthood vs Disney, which hinges on the argument that the Marvel Universe would have been better off had the heroes in “Endgame” simply aborted Thanos, brought to litigation by James “War Machine” Rhodes.

The move has brought consternation among Republican foes, who are perfectly comfortable now that the court contains the seat-stealing date-rapist Brett Kavanaugh, and two conservatives appointed by national embarrassment Donald Trump.

Luckily, there’s nothing they can do about it except cry like bitches.

“I don’t want to go back to Hot Dog on a Stick! I hate being the Pumper!”

So far, Pelosi and her party have listed a dozen names to be considered for placement by President Biden.  Among them, Michelle Obama, Chelsea Clinton, and football and civil rights hero Colin Kaepernick.  No final decisions have yet been made, however, and dark horse candidates like Kathy Griffin and veteran “Snake” S.D. Bob Plisskin are not out of the running.

As the rest of the judges on the court prepare to receive their new colleagues, America grows excited to finally have a body of governance that will decide based on rule of law instead of bullshit conservative bumper sticker philosophy.  All rise.

About Fallis Gunnington 186 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

Be the first to comment