New Disney ‘Star Wars’ Park Forbids MAGA Caps, Clothing


Disney’s juggernaught enterprise owns billions, if not trillions of dollars of licenses, from their own library, to Pixar entertainment, Lucasfilm, and Marvel Studios.  Now add in their recent acquisition of Fox’s entertainment division and the fact that their cruise lines constitute the world’s third largest standing navy, you’re looking at possibly, the most powerful corporate entity on the planet.  But is it more powerful than an American President?

“Trump vs Thanos – A Love Story”. In theatres June, 2020.

This year saw the debut of their newest theme park attraction, Disney’s Star Wars Adventure.  It’s popularity has already been flourishing on both coasts.  However, due to a recent spate of “incidents of problematic guests”, spokespeople for the conglomerate announced this Friday that all clothing or accessories boasting the familiar “MAGA” legend are forbidden from being worn or displayed within the confines of the park.

The company has classicly been neutral with regard to politics until now, leading many industry insiders to wonder if the House of the Jedi may be riddled with the Hydra of liberalism.  What’s next?  A gay teddy bear in the next Toy Story feature?  An Avengers with an African-American Captain America?  “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Mohammed?”

“Frozen – Elsa’s Alabama Adventure?”

However terrifying these visions may seem, they could be omens of the future.  What can we, as proud Americans hope to do against the Dark Side of the Force when the evil emperor is wearing mouse ears?

About Fallis Gunnington 169 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.

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