‘MAGA-Safe’ Restaurant App Sends Florida Man to Sewage Plant


When 59-year old Watson Herbusch of Paxin Wood, Florida downloaded the new “MagaChow” app, he expected it to do what it was supposed to: offer a selection of local restaurants that were “safe” to eat at and free of liberal harassment when he proudly sported his red MAGA cap.  What he got was a mouthful of horror.

Watson, as he is used to doing as a faithful Trump supporter, dutifully trusted in the stupid, and followed the driving instructions that the app provided to reach: “Uncle Chunky’s Patriot Buffet”.  There was no sign at the building, and simply a gray metal door, which he assumed was the entry.  A cursory inspection found a factory-type ambiance, as well as a foul, putrid odor of human waste, which the hungry gentleman assumed, was a simple unattended clogged restroom commode, a common occurrence during his visits to the Olive Garden.  When no server appeared to take his order, he helped himself to a spoonful of stew from a nearby metal bowl.  I believe anyone reading this knows the result.

Remember when you went to that new Indian place and told them you were in a hurry?

MagaChow’s parent company Tardapple says the app may have been hacked by liberal pranksters, and that the incident was strictly isolated.  The company has made restitution to the victimized Trumpster by paying for a ruined shirt and offering him a blumpkin and coupons for his local Dairy Queen.

“I’m in all your machines now, bitches!”
About Fallis Gunnington 171 Articles
Fallis Gunnington was born the son of a missle farmer and an anti-Carter activist. Shot with a hunting rifle twice a week to toughen him up, Gunnington then joined the Kiss Army, where he received his journalism degree as well as a debilitating knee injury rendering him unable to kneel before anything but Old Glory. He is currently single, since no female yet has the appropriately mighty hips.